The customer was not about to give up. She wasn't done with her raving and ranting. How could someone dare to hang up on her? She was not going to take it lying down. She promptly sent an sms to my friend with these five words: You have very bad manners.
My friend had the good sense not to reply to that sms; but it got me thinking: what do people expect when they send such accusing messages?
If I were to receive a similar message, would I be expected to go into a self-examination of my behavior and to take corrective measures to get my manners in good form? In reality, is that how anyone who receives such a message would react? Is that how I would react?
Of course not! If I got such a message, I would immediately want to hit back and tell the sender that her manners needed some introspection and rectification. This would be the natural response of most ordinary humans.
If that is so, then it seems to me that there is really no point in telling others that they have bad manners or that they should behave in some particular manner that is acceptable to us.
Just as we find some people's mannerisms or gestures or language or behavior unacceptable, those people may also find some things in us not to their liking. Is it possible for us to change ourselves in order to please everyone we come across? It would be practically impossible.
We are what we are, and they are what they are. No one would be willing to remodel themselves to please someone else.
We must accept people as they are. Some are to our liking, some are not. We have to deal with all types, and deal with them in the most civil manner as it is possible for us. Here too, what we consider "civil" may not match up with someone else's understanding of the word. That's OK. We can only act with the best of our understanding, and that is what we must do.
When we understand that others will be "different" or "rude" or "manner-less" when seen from our perspective, and that we must accept them as they are, we would be less frustrated with the situation.
We may dislike a particular behavior, but that is no reason to keep repeating "I hate that person". The more we repeat such statements in our mind, the more difficult it becomes to deal with that person. Of course you could walk away from such persons and never ever see his face again. However, what if he is one of your best customers on whom the very survival of your business depends? What if she is your wife's sister? You just cannot walk away from everyone. We have to learn to deal with them.
It is not our solemn duty on this planet to teach everyone good manners (good enough for our taste). These things are taught and easily learned when the learner is at a young formative age. Every parent must teach their children these things during their formative years. Every school teacher should teach her students during their school days. By the time they are adults, they are firmly set in their ways. Trying to teach an adult to change his manners would only result in more frustration.
When we come across people who are different, we must suppress our impulse to immediately "change" them. Changing people's behavior is one of the most difficult tasks, and we would be better off not attempting it. However, if that person is someone you love, someone who is very close to you, and you feel greatly compelled to change that person's behavior, and you feel that you would be doing injustice to that person if you did not attempt this nearly impossible task, then it must be handled very delicately and in an indirect manner. It would be worth remembering what Alexander Pope once said: "Men should be taught as if you taught them not; things unknown proposed as things forgot."
